Thursday, July 20, 2017

Best Summer

Last evening Sir Steve and I popped over to a site just down the road to visit after dinner.  We had a lovely time chatting and getting caught up on news (they've been absent from the campgrounds for a couple of weeks) I enjoyed myself!

Walking home in the dark holding Sir Steve's hand I thought 'tomorrow is going to be a beautiful hot summer day -- and best of all I have nothing to do!'  

This is turning out to be the best summer ever (despite all the drama that swirls around me).  I can spend hours sitting on our deck in the sunshine - reading when I want to read - or closing my eyes and listening to the quiet interspersed with kids laughter, chirping birds, the distant sound of cars navigating the camp grounds.

Despite what people 'see' and imagine -- I am not all that outgoing -- I actually don't enjoy being with people -- solitude is what keeps me sane.  Even as  a little girl in the summer my favourite thing to do was to curl up in my bedroom with a book.  I can remember my mom forcing me to go out and play ' to make friends' .. shrug I never felt the need for friends I was (am) my best friend.

Thankfully Sir Steve honours my need to be alone and quiet ... does all he can to foster a quiet haven for me... even when we go visiting neighbouring campers he watches me judging when I have had enough socializing..... and makes the move to end the evening.

Now it is time to curl up on the deck in the glorious sunshine and ignore the world around me ................. life is good and this is turning out to be the best summer in a long long time!




Wednesday, July 19, 2017

Despite The Crazies

This morning I realized that the crazies are always gonna be crazy 
They are always gonna stand just outside my world and poke 
They are always gonna try and get a reaction out of me.

I can get through all of it because at the end of the day..........

I slide into bed with Sir Steve and he wraps his arms around me and the world shrinks down to the two of us - snuggled in the dark -- talking about the day -- whispering our love -- and the crazies -- all of them -- vanish in a poof of smoke.

I know that no matter how they poke at me during the day -- how they sneak up behind me and blind side me - no matter what they do to try and disturb my peace.. my santuary .. my sanity ... that in the dark of the night my faith is restored because I am really truly loved.

Tuesday, July 18, 2017

Crazies of the World Unite

And then let us put them all in a freaking big boat and push it out to sea............. 

The last few days I seem to have had my fill of crazy people... from the  ex father in law screaming his fool head off at me -- to the ex wife lurking about trying to cross the clearly defined boundarives -- the ex mother in law raving like a lunatic and now my ex W still tagging me on FB (always when I think he is gone for good he manages to pop back up in my life!!) ........ (shaking head) Honestly I feel like I am living in an asylum!!

And now I am growing paranoid! 

My biggest fear is that Sir Steve's exs are plotting some evil plot to get custody of the lil one.  I know it's stupid and illogical -- the mother still is only allowed supervised visitations........... but the rumblings I keep hearing -- like they will keep the lil  one for the full summer -- and get full custoday at the fall hearing.........the names they are calling me everything from "slut to home breaker to crazy girlfriend" .  I worry somehow I am gonna be used against Sir Steve in the final custody hearing!

AND I am probably just being paranoid........... 

Let's start collecting 'em all -- all those crazies -- and find a HUGE boat ok???

Monday, July 17, 2017

Last Straw

We had an episode on Saturday --- one in a long line of "episodes" with the ex wife and her family.  

Mostly I have gritted my teeth -- occasionally I have thrown out one line zingers -- like the time she burst onto our deck at 9:30 on a Sunday morning (one of many times that she arrived unannounced and uninvited) and made a comment as she was leaving about enjoying our breakfast and I zinged "we are trying to!"

But mostly I keep my mouth shut and if it really bothers me I will speak to Sir Steve and let him handle it or not.

Saturday we had company for dinner -- 2 other couples. We had finished dinner and were sitting around the campfire (which happens to be at the back of our site) laughing and talking.

Suddenly out of nowhere the ex wife arrives with lil one in tow with soap and a towel and announces that the lil one wants a bath and refuses a shower so please give her a bath.  I swung around and zinged "REALLY??!!" 

Sir Steve got up and took the lil one into the trailer -- SHE then decided to walk into our group to pat the dog and make a fuss.  Our guests were floored (it isn't just me!) and remarked how rude that was.

Not 2 minutes after she left her father showed up behind my chair yelling at me........ YELLING!  Anyone who knows me knows I do NOT handle yelling in any form.  I swung around in my chair and told him firmly "I will not discuss this with you now" and turned my back to him.

My whole body was shaking -- I thought I was going to be sick - and I was heading for a full blown panic attack.

Our guests left early as the mood of the evening had been ruined.

I went into the trailer as rigid as a stone statue.  I washed up the dinner dishes. I got undressed. I climbed into bed and the melt down hit......... full blown melt down!  I took my pills -- I cried -- and cried some more -- Sir Steve lay beside me with his arm wrapped tightly around me -- it didn't help.

Finally I was able to voice the emotions -- I was scared ...... I didn't feel safe -- I was done -- and I was going home in the morning.

It was a bad night for both Sir Steve and I.  Every lil sound had me jumping awake.

In the morning Sir Steve spoke to the ex wife -- laid the law down so to speak.  

The final result is neither she nor her family is welcome to come waltzing on to our site uninvited.  Sir Steve does not want to hear from anyone that I am the 'crazy girlfriend' or the 'slut' or the 'home wrecker'.  AND the mother is going to take the lil one one week on one week off for the rest of the summer (which gives me a HUGE break)

 I am hoping the boundaries set will take -- I am hoping that the rest of my summer will be peaceful and the sense of this being a safe secure sanctuary will return.  But then they don't have a lot of respect for anyone ....... so I truthfully have my doubts.

I do have faith in Sir Steve though -- He has gone to work and I am sitting in the trailer writing this.......jumping a little bit every time I hear someone walking past -- but hoping against hope that this too shall pass.

Saturday, July 15, 2017


Life is indeed full of surprises!

Sir Steve followed me for almost 10 years through this blog -- kept an eye on me so to speak - never commented -- never whispered in my ear... nothing... no clue.

He still reads here daily and rarely if ever says anything to me -- and most definitely never comments.

But he posted a comment on Stop Just Stop  (click the link to read) -- he posted all the words he whispers in my ear when the day is over and we are lying in bed snuggled up together... maybe he's hoping if I see it in print I will believe him?? 

I don't know -- I just know it made me tear up (in a good way).... and it made me think I really have got the best man ever!  

Life is good when your Sir whispers in writing the words in his heart - for all the world to see .......